The test

I've recently been reading in my scriptures about righteous peopleof high church position, recieving great temptations to prove them, see if they are as strong as they are striving to be. Today must have been one of those days for me. I don't aspire to be someone of high church position, but I do try my best to live the commandments and do what I should be doing. I failed the test without even realizing it was a test but it has brought me to where I need to be, on my knees asking Heavenly Father for help. Being a mom is hard, I've always been one to admit it. Over the last year, since we started homeschool, many people say, "I don't know how you do it," or "you are so amazing to do that," or "I could never do that," or "you are so brave." The reply to those statements are "neither do I, it's not about me, yes you could, and brave is not the right word." The challenge I'm having this week with homeschool is being with the children on a never ending basis. At least it feels that way. I feel like a maid, a drill sargeant, and a servant. It's not even that the kids aren't always obedient, well-behaved, respectful, and kind. It's just that my personality demands a certain amount of rejuvination time and alone time. I never realize I didn't get enough until it's too late and I've gone crazy.
The positive note to this ordeal is that my husband is amazing. I would have left the house but it's -30C and I'm not crazy enough to go out alone in it. Stan locked me in my room with a book, a warm bath, and dinner by myself. He is currently working on an action plan with the kids of how they can regain my trust. Then he'll tuck them nicely into bed and I won't see them until tomorrow morning, when I hope to be refreshed. Why didn't I think of this earlier? Why did I wait until I was ready to sell the children to the neighbor? I'll have to remember to book myself some regular room time, it might just be all I need...