Spencer

 I had to create this collage because all of these faces are Spencer.  He can change his expressions quickly.  Big and smiley, serious, very sad (I didn't have one of that but I see it a lot), unsure, curious.  He has the biggest smile and it makes me happy when he smiles at me.  I'm starting to look at myself and wonder who I am.  I feel like I look different already and I'm only 32.  It's kind of creepy(I only picked that word because Macy says it all the time but it sounds like "cweepy").  We are trying to work on her 'r's.  She has a hard time.

His two little teeth.  He got one around 6 months and the 2nd shortly after.  did I already post these pictures?  They are fully in now and he has been working on other ones. I thought it was two more on the bottom but nothing has poked through yet.
Spencer is past 8 months old.  He is anxious to move.  He seems frustrated to have to be still.  He kind of gets in the crawling position but hasn't figured out how to go yet.  I'm a little fearful for him to move because it will be tiring for me in a different way.  Right now he screams and wants to be held so it just might be better for him to move and follow me around, even though I'll have to keep my eye out constantly. It's always interesting to watch your children learn and grow.  Fascinating each time.  We sure love our Spencer.  He is full of life and spirit.  He loves his siblings.

Pleased

A couple of days ago I woke up wishing I could just stay in bed.  I was really tired and grumpy.  Getting the two oldest kids out the door wasn't an unusual task, followed by my week day workout.  Spencer wasn't too happy to be awake that day either or he was just feeding off of me.  He screamed all through the workout and then had only a 20 minute nap. I was frustrated and unsure how to turn my day around.  I called a trusted companion who offered some fixes, sure that they would bring me happiness.  This annoyed me further.  It wasn't that simple.  I just needed to be heard.  Here's the best part!  Normally I would have continued on this way and the whole day would have been crappy and I would have taken it all out on Stan when he came home from work.  However, the Lord helped me to laugh at what had happened, the advice I'd been given, realize the person offering it is imperfect and not able to meet all of my needs.  My attitude shifted and I enjoyed the rest of the day.  Hooray for progress.

I love the Maytag

Before we sold our last house, we bought new appliances.  We tried to sell our dishwasher but it didn't sell, gratefully.  With all the money we have spent so far on our "new" old home, we were so happy to have our old dishwasher.  Stan got it installed on Saturday and it is so lovely to hear the hum of the dishwasher going, knowing that I don't have to scrub all the dishes by hand.  Little conveniences make such a big difference in our modern-day life!  And have I mentioned before that I'm happy my kids are at school!  It might not be the best education but I sure hope we do enough real life learning at home, to make up for all the hours spent at public school.  It sometimes does feel like babysitting, not free, and the kids do learn, and they socialize, and they learn how to deal with conflict a lot, which isn't a bad thing either.

The girls have moved into the basement

Paneling. Some wood looking and some other.  Dirty and gross.

Drywall!  My dad helped Stan get a great start when he was here for Christmas

Having some fun painting.  Brynn is a good painter!  Macy loves to help

.The mostly finished product.  We need curtain rods and decorations on the wall.  Something for their closet and a desk.  But they are in!

Spring

I've discovered, especially since living in the north, that I really like spring!  Spring gives me hope that summer will come eventually and that we will enjoy a few months without any snow, even if we get a spring snowstorm, which we usually do. 

Also, I made my first visit ever to a mental health professional.  She is a psychologist, R.N. and working toward a doctorate in Nursing, specializing in sleep something.  Through the craziness I've experienced over the last year and more, and encouragement from some family members, I decided maybe I should get some counseling.  My biggest issues are being optimistic and finding joy in everyday life.  I know these are things that lots of people deal with but Stan's benefits cover the help and it's a way to talk about my life, outside of my family, in a confidential way, with someone who can help give me some strategies.  The psychologist is a perfect fit for me.  We are similar in enough ways that she is easy to talk to.  She is a very spiritual person, which is huge for me. I've had an introductory visit and I'm really excited to move forward.  Something that she and others have helped me see lately that in order for me to be helpful to my family, I must find things I enjoy to fill up my bucket, so when life sucks it out, I won't be completely depleted.  As I have been working on that, it has made a HUGE difference.  Having "me" time has always been important.  I'm an introvert by nature and get recharged by being alone.  Being surrounded by kids all day just doesn't work.  I have to have some breaks or at least some outings to break it up.  I can easily see why homeschooling made me crazy.  However, I also recognize that things weren't too ugly until I got pregnant.  Hormones do crazy things to me.  Enough rambling...I'm excited to see someone who can help me.  Stan is actually really good at helping me too. He can see things that I don't always recognize and he's nice about pointing it out.  He's also learned when he can safely approach me, which is a big deal.

Macy is good at being 5

I have a short memory and I don't really remember what my other kids were like at age 5.  Macy has really looked forward to being this age and has been talking about it for 6 months or more.  She was excited to:

Open presents

go out to eat for dinner

And have a friend party. 
She is really excited that she is now old enough to go to school, even though she has to wait until September.

It's May!

I'm on a journey to the new me.  It's been hard, depressing at times, exciting, and hopeful!  I've been a mother for over 9 years and somehow lost myself as I was giving to my children, not realizing that they, and I, needed me.  I'm making a comeback and it feels so good.  I feel alive again and excited to be a mother and a wife, a fiddlest(I've only had two lessons), an exerciser again and boy does that feel great!. I actually played basketball with Stan and Joel outside the other day.  It was so fun. I forgot how much I love sports.  I still read a lot because it is a great source of spiritual communication for me.  I receive many answers to my prayers as I read and learn.  My favorite reads of late:  The Acts of Faith Series by Janette Oke and Davis Bunn. It's historical Chrisitian fiction around the time just after the Savior was crucified.  I'm in the middle of book 2.  They are wholesome and uplifting and cultural and I like that.  Phil Callaway is another Christian author I've been reading.  He writes about having a positive outlook on life and finding humor in all the little, everyday things.  I desparately need that. And...the book I'm just finishing is Stephanie Nielson's Heaven is Here.  She shares her experience of her perfect life before her airplane crash that burned 80% of her body, and her recovery  up to now.  It is amazing!  She is a very personal writer and shares the struggles she faced as she has come back to life from near death.  I read it in just over 2 days.
Thanks to my family and friends for encouraging me and helping me in ways that has saved me from further despair.  I'm so grateful!