Back in the game

This last month has been a little rough. Pregnancy hormones got the better of me and I was filled with too much anger. I had plenty of good times, but there was an underlying darkness and frustration. I've been trying all week to find the desire to repent and let go of what's bothering me, knowing that this has been blocking my ability to feel the spirit. We had a ward temple trip planned for last night and I didn't want to leave my kids. But I finally decided that even though I felt unworthy to be there, that was exactly where I needed to be. Elder Scott, an apostle, said in his last general conference talk, that we should seek the Savior at the temple and that we would better understand His atonement when we attend. So that was my goal for last night. The peace I felt was just what I needed. I am grateful and amazed that Heavenly Father loves me, despite my selfishness and pride, and that gives me strength to keep trying. 

Lunch

I have a friend that likes to come over, have lunch, work on projects, etc. 

this was yummy! Pho soup

A 3 year old

Potty training has been completely unsuccessful so far. And with it has emerged a much stronger willed boy. Tantrums are frequent, demands are many, and an unusual curiosity for attention has surfaced. It's so weird, all of it. 

His explanation for this little catastrophe was simply that he was trying to get Joel's candy and used the drawers as steps. Surprisingly he wasn't hurt but the dresser needs an operation. 

Who says 3 year olds need to be potty trained? Only the mom who is sick of doing the clean up job he is capable of doing himself!

Wow

We had some fun today. 

And while we waited for my awesome brothers in law to help us, spencer took some self portraits. 

The birthday boy

Spencer is a reason why I'm grateful I keep having kids. He stretched me beyond my limits much of his first year but he is such a joy to me and our family. He is sweet and kind, very sensitive and caring. He can play on his own now and is so fun to listen to and watch. 

Here's a reason

Part of why summer went by without my recording much is that I found out we are having a baby soon after school was out for the summer. So, the summer was all about survival. The kids kept me busy and out of the house so I couldn't dwell too much on how poorly I was feeling. I'm due in march, which is a great time to have a baby. 

Frank slide

After driving past frank slide Alberta for the past 11 years, we finally stopped at the interpretive center. It was amazing. We want to go back with Stan. 

Cousin fun

Canada Day

Good friends invited us to spend Canada Day with them in Waterton!  It was so awesome.  The weather was perfect, the hike to Bertha Falls was great.  Spencer even walked most of the way.  Not bad for an almost 3 year old.

 AND  Happy 4th of July too

With all the busy stuff of the week, we decided  to keep it low key.  We had a delicious dinner and dessert and sang the Star Spangled Banner together.  Next year we might go to Great Falls, they have awesome fireworks. 

I'm so grateful to be a citizen of two wonderful countries, where I enjoy many freedoms, especially the freedom to worship as I choose.  It is a huge blessing and one I probably don't think about enough since I've never lived any other way.

A quick trip

My sister was visiting Utah, from Texas, so, naturally, I had to go see her.  And my gracious sister-in-law was willing to keep Joel for a week to play with his cousin.  So I loaded up Joel and Macy and went on a road trip.
First stop, Idaho Falls:

Then a family reunion with my mom's family

We then drove down to Utah, dropped off Joel and continued on to Lehi.  We stayed with my brother that night.  Sunday morning we drove up to SLC to attend Music and the Spoken Word, in the conference center.  It was the Independence Day special so that was really awesome and patriotic.  And I just have to say that Richard Elliot is amazing on the organ!  His solo was outstanding.  There is nothing like being there in person.

Family time was fun.  Macy and I drove up to Brigham City and stayed with a foster sister there then we drove home all day Monday, just in time to spend Canada Day in Canada.

Running thoughts

This morning, as I was jogging, I was thinking of the reasons I jog.  For exercise, to keep in shape, but mostly for mental reasons.  It helps me cope with stress and anxiety and is a good antidote for depression.  I NEED the endorphin rush.

On another topic, here are some pictures from the last day of school.

We are so pleased with how the school year went.  Great teachers, staff, and school.  Brynn is learning that friendships are tough.  Especially at her age. Brynn is pretty loyal and doesn't understand the emotional ups and downs of junior high age friendships.  She is learning some good lessons and it has been great for our relationship, as she has chosen to confide in me, on occasion.

Brynn's very early birthday party

Brynn turns 12 in December and was due for a party this year.  We wanted it to be special and fun so we opted to have it on the summer solstice.

She had 9 girls in total.  They played outside games and had a campfire and roasted hotdogs and smore's.  They were having so much fun, the party lasted an extra hour. Fun for all.

Lots of laughing. Too much screaming.(?) We did a lot of rides on the quad. (that's where the screaming came from) (These last thoughts contributed by Brynn

5th batch

Choosing Thus the Kinder Plan(taken from the hymn Nay Speak No Ill)

1. Nay, speak no ill; a kindly word

Can never leave a sting behind;

And, oh, to breathe each tale we've heard

Is far beneath a noble mind.

Full oft a better seed is sown

By choosing thus the kinder plan,

For, if but little good is known,

Still let us speak the best we can.

2. Give me the heart that fain would hide,

Would fain another's faults efface.

How can it please the human pride

To prove humanity but base?

No, let us reach a higher mood,

A nobler estimate of man;

Be earnest in the search for good,

And speak of all the best we can.

3. Then speak no ill, but lenient be

To others' failings as your own.

If you're the first a fault to see,

Be not the first to make it known,

For life is but a passing day;

No lip may tell how brief its span.

Then, oh, the little time we stay,

Let's speak of all the best we can.

Becky Anderson

She talks about Peter in the New Testament and her study of him.  How he had such a strong testimony, but was still weak.  After bearing strong testimony of the Savior, he denies even knowing the Savior, and returns his former life, small and insignificant.  (I've tried this concept so many times in motherhood,  trying to return to my formal life, but it doesn't work.  I am no longer the person I was 11 years ago! But I continually learn things, or just remember, about myself: Sunshine and being outside regularly makes me happy!  Having alone time makes me happy!  Spiritual nourishment daily is essential! Having a schedule or ideas of things to do can make me happy.)

The Savior can make me enough even when I don't feel like I'm enough. 

The speaker had breast cancer, that was inoperable.  She received several treatments of radiation and chemotherapy.  During the middle of treatments, she had some tests done, to check the status of the tumor.  Much to her dismay, the tumor was unchanged.  She plead with Heavenly Father to be able to live so she could raise her boys.  She said she almost felt like a child having a tantrum.  She didn't feel peace about her illness and the trials that came with it until she gave up her will, and her desires.  Once she did, she felt peace.  And God's will was that she should live and she has recovered!

The Savior knows All, our strengths and our weaknesses

What is the kinder plan for me?  I know it involves doing hard things I'd rather not do. (This is my goal path for the next little bit.)  I might post it.

D&C 98:1-3

 1 Verily I say unto you my friends, ^afear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore

and in everything give ^bthanks;

 2 ^aWaiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

 3 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been ^aafflicted shall work together for your^bgood, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.

She was so excited about the word Sabaoth.  It's in the Bible Dictionary, different than Sabbath. It is:

Hosts. The Lord of Sabaoth was a title of Jehovah; the hosts were the armies of Israel (1 Sam. 17:45) but also included the angelic armies of heaven (Judg. 5:20; 2 Kgs. 6:17; Rom. 9:29; James 5:4; see also D&C 87:7; 88:2; 95:7; 98:2).

Who will be in our army?

Follow the Lord in all things! Accept His will and do it.

Nan Rasmussen

A quote from Neal A. Maxwell but paraphrased-We are here in mortality and the only way is through.

Sister Hinckley-We can either laugh or cry in life, I choose to laugh, crying gives me a headache.

*laughter is a great natural medicine: it boosts immune system, relieves stress, improves mood, strengthens relationships, binds people together, no negative thoughts can enter, can heal when accompanied by love.  Humor gets you out of your head and away from worries.

Laughter helps combat negativity.  Laugh at yourself!

The adversary(devil) cannot deal with a sense of humor...(this was a quote from a general authority.  I would like to find it and read the whole quote)

We can learn to laugh and we can choose to laugh.  Not sarcasm or laughing at others in a harmful way.  She told a story of a mother who made a delicious strawberry pie to take to a big family dinner.  Her young daughter insisted on carrying it from the car to the house.  She made it just to the front step, tripped and the pie spilled all over the sidewalk.  The wise mother said "hurry in the house and grab some spoons!"

Even if you're not happy, put a smile on your face

Go forward with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face.

Choose the kinder plan

Manners and coercion vs humor/laughter (think of the Savior's way of teaching)

1. Choose to accept that you are a child of God

2. Choose to put everything on the altar, use agency to accept and do His will

3. Choose to put yourself in a position to have experiences with Him

4. Choose to obey/keep covenants

5. Choose to prepare and attend temple

6. Choose to believe in the Atonement, accept Savior's forgiveness and forgive yourself

The story of the lady who is often referred to as the "tattooed" Mormon

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765626083/Al-Fox-Tattooed-Mormon.html?pg=all

2 Nephi 10:23

23 Therefore, ^acheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are^bfree to ^cact for yourselves—to ^dchoose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.

4th batch

DAY 2

Super powerful songs to open this general session.  (Look them up "Come To Jesus" then there was one that was to the tune of "Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing" but the words were different)

The Atonement heals , comforts, Consoles, and Enables Us to Show mercy and Grace unto ourselves

Sister Linda K. Burton (President of the General Relief Society)

She tells this story that was told by President Faust in 1999.  "His mother, wishing to encourage him, “bought tickets for a performance of the great Polish pianist, Paderewski. The night of the concert arrived and the mother and son found their seats near the front of the concert hall. While the mother visited with friends, the boy slipped quietly away.

“Suddenly, it was time for the performance to begin and a single spotlight cut through the darkness of the concert hall to illuminate the grand piano on stage. Only then did the audience notice the little boy on the bench, innocently picking out ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.’

“His mother gasped, but before she could move, Paderewski appeared on stage and quickly moved to the keyboard. He whispered to the boy, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And then, leaning over, the master reached down with his left hand and began filling in the bass part. Soon his right arm reached around the other side, encircling the child, to add a running obbligato. Together, the old master and the young novice held the crowd mesmerized.

“In our lives, unpolished though we may be, it is the Master who surrounds us and whispers in our ear, time and time again, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And as we do, He augments and supplements until a work of amazing beauty is created. He is right there with all of us, telling us over and over, ‘Keep playing.’” 7

The Lord is the ultimate personal trainer!!

Sister Oscarson(Young Women General President)

The Atonement must be individualized and personal in order to draw on its power.  This reminded me of something my Bishop said at a meeting this year.  We all need to have personal religious experiences.

1. Repent daily

2. Pray to prioritize

3. Pray and study the scriptures, trust the Lord to inspire

Everyone needs the power of the Atonement!

Scriptural experiences of Jesus appear more often in the Book of Mormon-no wonder the rest of the world has little understanding of the Atonement.  (This statement opened my eyes)  I wish my friends of other faiths weren't so afraid of the Book of Mormon!  It is a book full of truth, written by prophets.

Sister Wixom(Primary General President)

"talking" children in at bed-time (she told a story here but I couldn't write it down fast enough)

Come unto Him-becoming His "I give"  "I'm yours"

a paraphrased quote from Elder Hafen-if you are seeing more of your weaknesses, know that you are coming closer to the Savior.

Look forward to the opportunities to change and become better.

Look for small and simple ways to be more obedient

Spencer

Yesterday was laundry day and the kids didn't have school. Joel put a pair of clean underwear on his head to be funny. Spencer picked up some shorts, called them underwear, and put them on over the top of his pants. Then he wore them out in public. 

Joel had a birthday

Shout hooray!  He's now 10. 

He loves riding quads( that's a 4 wheeler in American), motor bikes, mowing the law with a riding lawn mower, playing the piano, making rainbow loom bracelets, taking care of calves, spending time with cousins, going to cubs, watching movies. 

At this point in his life he wants to be a scientist, a doctor, or a farmer/rancher. He wants to earn a lot of money so he can buy his kids lots of fun things to play on and to travel to fun places. 

He requested that I make a Thai food recipe he'd had before at his aunts house. It was simple and delicious. Stan's nephew had his high school graduation that day too so we were juggling a bit.

Joel is currently saving money to buy a dirt bike. He pretty much has his part saved already. Time to shop for used ones so he can enjoy it this summer. 

Solitude

I have a great emotional need to spend time alone, regularly, ideally every day. I often don't make the connection of why weekends are such a challenge for me.  But I like summer breaks and Christmas vacations. 

I'm feeling overwhelmed with people, and tasks. Little people leaving trails everywhere, huge garden and yard, and too much floor space to clean. My ideal house is a smallish one. Easier to keep up, especially if it only has a couple of bathrooms. 

Also I was talking to a friend and someone told her to do something each day that can't be undone. This is good advice for me as most of my days are spent doing tasks that are quickly undone. One day last week, I made a quilt top. I was feeling creative and the project went smoothly and was very satisfying. Here it is:

The angle is weird. It's going to be my patriotic quilt. When I'm feeling homesick or grateful or just chilly, I'll wrap myself in it. It will have flannel on the back. 

Heavenly Father cares

It's been a frustrating time around here, only recently. Stan is crazy busy, maybe this is the new norm( it's a cycle). That always throws things off a bit. We do fine when he's gone but after he comes back, it can be hard to adjust. Everyone seems to be feeling under appreciated in some way, and I usually get all the blame for what is wrong, a less than ideal responsibility of a mother. I thought I was doing better, in so many ways, and in Mother's Day was even told so. But Mother's Day is now past and we are back to reality. What my kids don't realize is I give and give for them but they don't see it as a gift, that's  just life, it's what moms are supposed to do. If I let myself get tangled up in not being appreciated, I would cry everyday. So, even though the family may not notice all that I'm changing and accomplishing through the power of the atonement, I know it and Heavenly Father knows it and because He cares that I keep trying, I will, for Him. 

Cereal

We don't eat much cereal around here anymore.( but we just got several calves that need to be bottle fed early in the morning so this will likely change for awhile.) I go out on a limb and buy corn bran, all bran, and when the kids are lucky I buy corn flakes or life, Cheerios too. I love that they eat corn flakes plain, no sugar. I also love that when I buy a sugary cereal, it's a treat, and they are almost as excited as when they get ice cream. (I make my own granola that I could eat everyday but some of the kids don't like it,)

3rd batch

The Redeeming and Strengthening powers of the Atonement

Elder and Sister Hafen

Severe mercy-the idea that the Lord, in mercy, helps us, but it requires all of our effort, often more than we think we have. 

(I need to read this story again, I may have mixed up some of the details)

She shared a story about Agnes, a pioneer girl, traveling to Utah with the Martin or Willie handcart company.  Agnes and her friends were getting weaker and weaker, from lack of food, exhaustion, and the cold.  They wanted to be invited to ride in the sick wagon, so they would no longer have to walk.  Her friends were weakening all around her.  She too was having a hard time.  The sick wagon appeared and the wagon master reached out for her hand.  She thought he would pull her up onto the seat next to him. Just as he grabbed her hands, he told the horses to go faster, causing Agnes to run along side the wagon, still holding the master's hand.  Just as she thought she was going to die, he pulled her up, wrapped her in a blanket and placed her in the back of the wagon.  She realized that the wagon master had saved her life.  Forcing her to run, when she thought she couldn't, increased the circulation throughout her freezing body, and kept her from freezing to death.  The rescuer and the one being rescued had to give their all.  Think of this in relation to us and the Savior.

Elder Hafen

The story of Christ is about giving the Atonement

The story of Adam and Eve (and all of us), is about receiving the Atonement

From 2 Nephi 2:25 with a couple of extra words:

"Adam fell that men might be (mortal) and men are (mortal) that they might have joy."

Atonement's purpose: facilitate our growth so we can live with God.

We are born whole or innocent, not bad/evil

We have to taste bitter in order to know the sweet

We can't be with Him until we are like Him

Sister Hafen-

These blessings are unconditional- the creation, life on Earth, the Atonement, the Resurrection

Elder Hafen-

Conditional blessings: forgiving, strengthening, perfecting

We have to participate in these processes

a change of heart can be quick or gradual

"The Lord sees fit to inflict..." (Mosiah 3:19)

Christ strengthens us because of His covenant relationship with us

The Atonement allows Christ to have a covenant relationship with His followers

Look up scriptures about Grace

Sister Hafen

Charity-the saintly capacity to love others as He does

It's a gift of grace and is given to true followers of Christ-it requires more of us.

Think of the spirit of the law-what are our intentions

Moroni 8:25-26

Adversity could be any of these things:

our own mistakes

adversities that are part of life

things that the Lord inflicts, for our growth

*If we are serious about discipleship, we will be asked to do things that are hardest for us

earned empathy

D&C 97:8

The Savior cannot force us to take His hand.

DAY 2

Super powerful songs to open this general session.  (Look them up "Come To Jesus" then there was one that was to the tune of "Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing" but the words were different)

The Atonement heals , comforts, Consoles, and Enables Us to Show mercy and Grace unto ourselves

Sister Linda K. Burton (President of the General Relief Society)

She tells this story that was told by President Faust in 1999.  "His mother, wishing to encourage him, “bought tickets for a performance of the great Polish pianist, Paderewski. The night of the concert arrived and the mother and son found their seats near the front of the concert hall. While the mother visited with friends, the boy slipped quietly away.

“Suddenly, it was time for the performance to begin and a single spotlight cut through the darkness of the concert hall to illuminate the grand piano on stage. Only then did the audience notice the little boy on the bench, innocently picking out ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.’

“His mother gasped, but before she could move, Paderewski appeared on stage and quickly moved to the keyboard. He whispered to the boy, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And then, leaning over, the master reached down with his left hand and began filling in the bass part. Soon his right arm reached around the other side, encircling the child, to add a running obbligato. Together, the old master and the young novice held the crowd mesmerized.

“In our lives, unpolished though we may be, it is the Master who surrounds us and whispers in our ear, time and time again, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And as we do, He augments and supplements until a work of amazing beauty is created. He is right there with all of us, telling us over and over, ‘Keep playing.’” 7

The Lord is the ultimate personal trainer!!

Sister Oscarson(Young Women General President)

The Atonement must be individualized and personal in order to draw on its power.  This reminded me of something my Bishop said at a meeting this year.  We all need to have personal religious experiences.

1. Repent daily

2. Pray to prioritize

3. Pray and study the scriptures, trust the Lord to inspire

Everyone needs the power of the Atonement!

Scriptural experiences of Jesus appear more often in the Book of Mormon-no wonder the rest of the world has little understanding of the Atonement.  (This statement opened my eyes)  I wish my friends of other faiths weren't so afraid of the Book of Mormon!  It is a book full of truth, written by prophets.

Sister Wixom(Primary General President)

"talking" children in at bed-time (she told a story here but I couldn't write it down fast enough)

Come unto Him-becoming His "I give"  "I'm yours"

a paraphrased quote from Elder Hafen-if you are seeing more of your weaknesses, know that you are coming closer to the Savior.

Look forward to the opportunities to change and become better.

Look for small and simple ways to be more obedient

Choosing Thus the Kinder Plan(taken from the hymn Nay Speak No Ill)

1. Nay, speak no ill; a kindly word

Can never leave a sting behind;

And, oh, to breathe each tale we've heard

Is far beneath a noble mind.

Full oft a better seed is sown

By choosing thus the kinder plan,

For, if but little good is known,

Still let us speak the best we can.

2. Give me the heart that fain would hide,

Would fain another's faults efface.

How can it please the human pride

To prove humanity but base?

No, let us reach a higher mood,

A nobler estimate of man;

Be earnest in the search for good,

And speak of all the best we can.

3. Then speak no ill, but lenient be

To others' failings as your own.

If you're the first a fault to see,

Be not the first to make it known,

For life is but a passing day;

No lip may tell how brief its span.

Then, oh, the little time we stay,

Let's speak of all the best we can.