Thoughts

I'm reading an interesting book, looking for suggestions to help my girls discover who they really are so they aren't defined by things that can slip away or that are just an image. As I'm reading, I'm learning about me, how I was as a child, a teenager, a young adult, a newlywed, a new mother, and now. It's been a little scary but a lot informative. 

I've learned:

I know who I am but I still let other things define me. 

-in high school, I thought of myself as an athlete. In my last year, I didn't play any sports and I knew I wouldn't in college. This was a year of big change for me. I had left old friends and was looking for new ones. I wasn't an athlete any longer so what was I?

-I went to BYU and became a college student. I had ideas of what I could do but my main goal for being there was to find a spouse. I had no desire to work. Having a family was the right thing to do. 

-got married and as I began the new life, I felt list again, struggling to balance my old life and friends with my new married life. 

-had children, completely lost my identity for several years. I knew I was a mom but I wasn't me and it was so hard to be me, who I thought I was or even who I might want to be.  My children still define my life. My life is based on their needs and schedules. I feel that I have a healthy balance now and I'm content with me, mostly. I think I have a glimpse of what a mother feels when all her kids are grown. I can imagine thinking, even when my kids are all in school, who am I and what do I do now?

Maybe by learning more about me I'll be able to better help my kids. And maybe I think entirely too much. Maybe I just need to learn to be more fun.