First batch

After typing a lot of my Women's conference notes, I discovered that I have a lot.  So, I decided to post them in batches so you don't get discouraged by too many words!

Notes from BYU Women's Conference 2014

Yay for an awesome break from the routine of life, a major spiritual boost, and lots of sunshine!

The theme of the conference was a scripture found in Psalms 84:11

"For the Lord God is a Sun and Shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly."

I think were 100 sessions during the 2 days.  I went prepared and expecting to receive some answers to prayer.  And did I ever!  God is merciful, patient, loving, and kind. 

Many of the sessions were running concurrently and sometimes it was really hard to choose which class to attend. Here are the thoughts that stood out to me.  My hope is that some of what I share will help you too.

DAY 1

Sheri Dew-I've thought much about this wonderful lady who is single and 60.  What I admire most about her is her ability to do the Lord's will.  How different her life would be if she had married young and had a family but we probably wouldn't even know who she is.  She has blessed the lives of millions all over the world because of the life she has been called to lead.

She spoke in the opening session of the conference and spoke mainly of God's grace:

Learn to unlock the power of Jesus Christ

1.  What is grace? the power beyond anything earthly, she told a story about her Dad.  He was a wonderful man in so many ways but he had a vice, as we all do.  He struggled with anger.  His family was the brunt of much of it and she often had a hard time having a healthy and happy relationship with him.  As he was dying, she prayed to be able to forgive him for all the hurt and pain he had caused her.  In an instant she felt freed of all the pain she experienced from her Dad.  This is grace.

(my thoughts: Everyone has a flaw, often a big and noticeable one, we are human! But everyone also has wonderful virtues)

Substitute the word grace for power while reading your scriptures and notice what happens.

Grace is the power we get to do things we wouldn't normally be able to do.  (All my accomplishments in life are attributed to grace.  I'm so grateful for this power, without it, I would be nothing.)

Grace is always available to us! It is divine, enabling power

2. What difference can grace make in our lives?

Faith unlocks divine power

*With God's help, I can become my true self, increase my energy, my efficiency, my happiness

3.  How is grace available to us?

receiving angels- I know there are angels all around is.  My last neighbor helped me to realize this more readily.  She is very sensitive to the spirits of others. This part of it is for me to remember that others, probably ancestors of mine, are cheering for me and helping me to make good choices.

Because I have been to the Temple and have received my Endowment(a gift of priesthood power), I have access to that priesthood power.  It is not necessary to be a priesthood holder to still receive all the blessings the priesthood offers!

4.  What must I do to gain access to the Savior's power?

God's tutelage is the highest learning we can receive/experience(can't think of the right word)

Who am I becoming, with God's help, after all I can do...

a changed heart is what we all need, over and over again

Love the Lord more than ANYTHING else

change of heart (no desire to do wrong)

becoming a true disciple-Following Jesus means doing what He does, acting how He acts

Being a disciple is not easy but it's easier than NOT being one. 

ASK, in prayer, for more faith, more help

Then she asks WHAT ONE THING CAN I (EACH OF US) GIVE UP TO PUT THE SAVIOR FIRST IN MY LIFE, STARTING TODAY? (by the end of the day, I was sure that this one thing is what I need to give up.  I choose to give up my will to God, specifically in regards to my family size.  I have to put my complete faith and trust in Him, knowing and believing that His plan for me is the best plan. I want His plan to be my plan)

Then she finishes her talk with this:

We are preparing the world for the Savior to come again!

We must help others around us with their conversion

Angels are all around helping, desiring to help.

(As I sat in the Idaho Falls Temple the other day, in preparation for the conference, I felt the presence of my Grandma Mason.  She attended that temple faithfully and regularly through her life.  I couldn't help but be grateful for a wonderful woman to look up to, knowing that she is one of the angels who is helping me.  My parents were married in that same temple and I'm so grateful they chose to start their life together there and that after 56 years are still committed to the covenants they made! It has blessed all in our family and will bless all those who come after me.

HOLDING OURSELVES IN READINESS TO ACT ON THE LORD'S TIMING

Ginny Smith

Are you waiting for an answer to a specific prayer? How long have you been waiting?

There is a space between the offered prayer and the answer and this presenter called it "sacred space"

She encourages to "consecrate the wait"

Think about other waiting times, the sacrament, sessions at the Temple

If we choose to "consecrate the wait":

- we will be available to help God, to actively answer someone else's prayer

Life can be experiential, rather than chronological

Many people are waiting on us, as we wait on the Lord for our own answers to prayer

(I need to remember to pray specifically to receive guidance to help others)

BEWARE of Satan while we wait.  He wants to discourage us and cause us to lose hope.

BYU Women's Conference

To start the conference experience right, we went to the idaho falls temple! It was my first time there and it was awesome!

Flowers! We don't have this at home yet. It was so nice to have spring. 

Sweet

I'm so glad I could capture this moment! 

The kids were out of school all last week for Easter break. It was really nice. I decided that we wouldn't watch any movies or play computer games. The result?

Many moments like this picture except this is definitely the best shot. 

We played outside a lot, all the kids read a lot, had some friends over twice, local and friends from our previous home area!, played with some toys, got their hair cut. For the first time this school year, the girls really don't want to go back to school. That makes me feel good. (Joel was off at his cousins house having the time of his life).

Thoughts on parenting

I wish I took more pictures of my other kids, someday soon...

My message of this post is that in parenting, many trying, annoying, aggravating, and frustrating things happen but are often "just a phase". My mom has said this phrase to me numerous times during my motherhood career but I'm slowly starting to get it. I think the biggest help for me has been the quiet whispers of the Holy Ghost reminding me of when my older kids did similar things that the younger ones are now doing. This encourages me to share these thoughts with the two older ones and helps us not to dwell on whatever annoying event or outburst that is bothering us. 

Opposition in all things

*Tantrums.....sweet snuggles from a toddler or "mommy, I need to hug you"

*Repeated loudness through voice or pestering of siblings.....holding little brothers hand on the 30 minute drive to town

*whining or complaining...compliments given after a meal is prepared or getting chores done without being asked or responding when mom and dad ask the first time

These things are all a part of raising children. When they are grown and gone it will be their turn to handle all of the parenting situations. 

3 cheers for Macy

Macy was so excited to have her birthday on a Saturday. She loves school but recognized that we would have more fun for a whole day, rather than just after school and in the evening. And we did!

She got to open presents before breakfast, watch her new movie "frozen", and swim with cousins, aunts, and uncles at a very fun place in Medicine Hat. 

She feels 7 to me. She's mature, treats others kindly, does well in school, plays well with spencer. 

Sweet moment of today. Macy was crying in her room after she messed up putting stickers on her new Barbie car. Joel, who often surprises us with his generosity, gave her $7 of his own money. He really does love her. And he showed it. 

So pleased

Our beautiful 3rd child. 

She really wanted to buy an iPod shuffle like her older siblings. Her allowance is $5 every 2 weeks. After tithing and savings she has $3 left. She started saving in January and her goal was to save $20 by her birthday, march 22.  She passed her goal and then received birthday money and was able to buy it much sooner than she thought. I am so impressed with her discipline, giving up treats, hot lunches at school, and anything extra. Way to go girl!

Once a month

I've learned this important truth for myself!  Talking on the phone to my long-distance friends is one of the best things I can do for my emotional and spiritual well-being.  I'm not much of a phone talker, meaning, I don't usually enjoy talking on the phone.  However, I've been blessed with some amazing friends and I finally realized this was the best way to stay in touch with them, glean from their wisdom, and share our ups and downs. So we schedule a once a month phone conversation and put it on the calendar, just in case we forget.  It's something I really look forward to and enjoy!

-A random side note-
Do I love living in southern Alberta?  Meh, it wouldn't be my first choice, I'm not a country girl, in fact, I think I like cities.  I don't mind driving everywhere but I don't like paying for the gas.  BUT it is delivering all the goods that we hoped it would.  We moved here because:
a) we wanted to be closer to family-in the area and within closer driving distance to many others across the U.S./Canada border
b)We wanted small town lifestyle for raising our family
c)we wanted to be close to the homestead which offers lots of great activities in the summer time
d)we are a little closer to the mountains (Waterton)
e)small town public school is an excellent compromise for me between homeschooling and bigger public schools 

What General Conference does for me

These wonderful men remind me what the gospel of Jesus Christ looks like.  On their faces, I can see joy, peace, hope.
I can't say that I have a favorite talk from General Conference because there were things I liked from each one, but the whole experience for me does this:
-gives me peace and comfort
-joy
-assurance
-courage to set goals and achieve them because, with God, all things are possible
-faith-faith to know that because I trust God and that I'm willing to do my best, He will make everything work out for the best, for me, for our family
-nudges to try a little harder to overcome a particular weakness or two but not to be too hard on myself.
I had an added bonus this time too.  I've recently started seeking out names of my ancestors who are in need of Temple work.  My nephew(by marriage) is awesome at family history research and helped me find two names!!  So exciting.  I can now see how people get hooked on doing family history.  It's so exciting to find work that needs to be done, and know that you are the one that gets to help bring them the amazing and essential blessings of temple covenants.

Here's some inspiration

I love the talk by Jeffrey R. Holland "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence."  It's been a favorite for a long time because it reminds me to stay focused on answers to prayer that I've already received and to move ahead with confidence. Some of my favorite quotes:

"It is the plain and very sobering truth that before great moments,certainly before great spiritual moments, there can come adversity, opposition, and darkness. Life has some of those moments for us, and occasionally they come just as we are approaching an important decision or a significant step in our lives."

**this is significant for me right now because we are trying to buckle down and be more disciplined in our finances. As Dave Ramsey says"live like nobody else so later you can live like no one else". I was gung-ho about cutting all sorts of expenses and was going a little extreme, which was hurting me and not anyone else in the family. The spirit helped me back on track and we just keep being blessed. Here's some of the ways: tax return came and another rebate of nearly $1000 came. The cell phone bill got slashed, home phone bill reduced, I had fun creating our new budget and could actually assign our money to places it needed to go!, I am filled with hope for our future financial life, I'm excited to have a huge garden and to preserve lots of food, we finally have a budget for car maintenance, and I'm going to spend cash for many things because it's easier to keep track, our fuel bill was $70 less than we budgeted so I was able to use that for something that came up, and today while shopping, almost everything I needed was on sale at Safeway! I got to save gas by not going to Costco and I spent the same amount on food. So many exciting events are coming up too, the new general women's meeting for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints  general conference, and BYU Women's conference. I know that life is a series of ups and downs so I'm going to savor this up for as long as it's here!

-Elder Holland again "...but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don't give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don't give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness...."Cast not away therefore your confidence." Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."

-"you will need information too, but in matters of great consequence it is not likely to come unless you want it urgently, faithfully, humbly....  If you can seek that way and stay in that mode, not much that the adversary can counter with will dissuade you from a righteous path."

Here's the link:

http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=795

Happy weekend. The sun was out for a little bit today!

Miracles

I've started calling our phone companies to see if there's a way to reduce my bills, cutting off features that aren't necessary. After much patience, prodding, and speaking about my past successes with getting good deals, the cell phone company delivered, to his surprise and mine!  I was able to get out of my contract, have zero balance on my phone, was not charged cancellation fees, and my month to month rate is $25 less, plus I have unlimited calling and texting all over Canada. The Lord has blessed us. Our home phone bill can be reduced by $20 as well. Every little but helps. I'm feeling so grateful!

I'm gearing up for change

This is a follow up to the post about money/finances.  I have been a fan of Dave Ramsey for awhile but obviously haven't stayed on track.  We actually don't have too much debt right now, which I'm really grateful for.  But, we have no savings, and not much of an emergency fund and no wiggle room for maintenance things.  So, I'm going to get serious about cutting expenses wherever we can and if we have to add income at some point down the road to help us get to our goals, we will.  For now, I'm just going to really assess needs/wants.  Something that really inspires me is this video from the Mormon Channel:
http://www.mormonchannel.org/come-follow-me-the-atonement-of-jesus-christ?v=1383591963001
I appreciate the encouragement from those readers who commented. I do believe that we will have our own kind of miracles as we try to get our finances in order.

Saw this on facebook

And I love it!

http://tofw.com/YOU-Their-Perfect-Mother-Whitney-Permann%20of%20Mercy%20River/s/975

I've had these thoughts many times as my kids ask why we can't have more parties or make cute cards. 

Thank you, Whitney(from Mercy River), for sharing this great insight. 

What would you do if?

So, here are the facts and then I'll ask a question:
Stan makes good money, we have great benefits that a chunk of our income goes to, we pay a lot of taxes, we get a good tax return
It is expensive to live in Alberta, it's usually cheaper to buy than rent a home
our grocery bill, with household costs is about $1000 a month
Fuel is expensive, especially if you have to commute
We have 4 children, not sure if we are done
We only participate in minimal extra curricular activities, partly due to our location but the other big one is that it costs too much.
We don't have a mortgage right now and we aren't saving any money
How did we survive when we had a mortgage?  Well, we didn't really.  Much of our married life we have been able to get by with our normal living expenses but if something came up that needed to be fixed on our vehicles or house, we have had to borrow money.  Because of this we have accumulated large amounts of debt every house we've owned.  The plus side is, EVERY house we've made enough profit to pay off that debt, have a down payment and start again.  Blessings, I know, HUGE ones.  But we are tired of living like this.  We want to stay out of debt, pay cash for everything possible, prepare for the future, the rain does come!  We also want to let me stay home and be with the kids and honestly without more schooling, I can't earn too much anyway.
Because of the stage we are at, no mortgage, we are trying to figure out a plan for the next move.  I don't want to buy another house because it seems as if we can't afford it but we can't live with in-laws, it just isn't good for family relations.  so here's the question.  Knowing our situation, would you live with in-laws until you could save up lots of money for a down payment, thus reducing your  mortgage? Would you have your husband get another job and be gone even more?  Would you get a job you could do that wouldn't take much away from your family life to help with the extras, saving, car expenses etc? Would you live in a trailer or old house that feels too small?  Other things to consider: winters can be long, emotional issues are often there to deal with due to cabin fever, too many kids in tight spaces with nowhere to go.  I'd love thoughts from readers, even if there are only a few of you!  

Check

Off my to-do that is. I filed our taxes today. I love turbotax. It's easy to use and inexpensive and we get our return within a couple of weeks. Thanks to deductions for 4 kids and their activities like piano and soccer, deductions for moving, and deductions for paying tithing we are going to receive a nice chunk to help us fund a car. And I'm hoping for another miracle: that our van will keep driving until we can afford another one.

I'm grateful for the blessings we receive from paying a full tithe and other offerings. For inspiration read this talk:   https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/the-windows-of-heaven?lang=eng 

I want to buy a camera.  I've been using my phone camera for most everything and the quality just isn't that good.  I would like to spend less than $200.  I'm not a photographer but I want to capture my kids and the things we do.  I've been really slacking.  This is my attempt to recognize and appreciate the little things that make us happy.  Suggestions for a brand, or any other tips to help with this?

An unusual solution

Stan and I planned our budget for the next little bit and because of some extra car repairs that need to be done, we wondered how the numbers would reconcile. Well, I've been really sick and unable to take my kids the 30 minutes into town for their activities and I've had a couple of extra things I needed to do. I was supposed to drive in all 5 weekdays but I couldn't and so I've saved us a ton of gas money. And we paid our tithing. It was funny to see how it worked out. But mostly I'm grateful, even though it hasn't been awesome to be sick. 

And here's one of my sick kids:

The boys

Spencer has had an interesting transition to a bed from the crib. So after Christmas, I rearranged their room a bit to accommodate a bed that would fit both of the boys. They both love to sleep together. Spencer was screaming tonight when I put him to bed so I put him back in his crib. But Joel insisted that I move him from the crib into the big bed. I love that my boys love each other right now. 

I often find them snuggled up when I go to wake Joel in the mornings. It's so adorable. 

Becometh as a child

Two boys that love me no matter what!

Spencer showed pure love to someone yesterday. He is not the personality to sit on anyone's lap or play with anyone that comes along, but he could sense that she cared about him and so he attached himself to her. It was a powerful lesson of loving as the Savior does, regardless of life situations or unfair judgement that we as adults give. Maybe this is why I'm still having children. It took me until my fourth to notice this principle. At this rate I could end up with twelve kids. :) The Lord must really love me to be so patient with such a slow learner. 

These things make me smile

Farm kid wannabes. They love to pet and ride the donkeys, explore the barn and the old house, and climb on hay bales. 

-Macy woke up this morning feeling sick to her stomach so we sent her to the bathroom. After a few minutes she came out having only coughed, we've all had bad colds, and told me she coughed out the sick feeling. 😀

-Spencer singing songs from the movie Frozen, or any song. His vocabulary is amazing and I love communicating with him. 

-Joel is spending time with his cousins for a few nights and they made this. 

He has some amazing aunts! Someone asked us how we compete with all the fun. The answer is that we don't. We've accepted the fact that we won't ever be as cool or as much fun. 

-seeing and hearing brynn interact with friends.  She's entirely different. 

-The Olympics make me smile. I've really enjoyed watching some full events but lots of highlights. It's fun learning about the athletes. It's fun cheering for two countries and it's fun that Canada is doing so well in the medal count this time.  

a call to family history

For a long time, I've been content and felt good about my methods of working on family history, ie. writing a blog, journals, indexing, and attending the temple. I've been doing well at all except indexing. The last several times I've tried to index, there hasn't been anything for me to do.  I was starting to feel a little bit bad.  Also, Brynn turns 12 in December and will get to go to the Temple for the first time.  We thought it would be really neat for her to have a family name to take with her.  I guess it got my mind on it.  I've always thought I couldn't do anything because so many in each of our families has been working for years on our family lines, researching, etc.  And I don't know where to start.  Well, the other night, I had a dream.  In the dream I had a conversation with someone about family history work.  They asked why I hadn't been involved in this way.  I told them it was because so many others were doing it and I was choosing to be involved in other ways, and I believed I wouldn't be able to find any names.  The person then said that there were names that only I would be able to find.  I was shocked!  I woke up excited and compelled to figure out how to research our family lines.  Help! Does anyone have any tips?

I love it when the answers finally come

Patience is a virtue that most of us are working on.  I've been struggling for a LONG time, years, with an issue.  This issue is trying to have joy amidst life's challenges, particularly family life.  I have been trying to figure out what I can do to help set a happy tone in our home and to try to keep it when the kids come home from school and immediately begin to fight.  I have tried a few things but I had an inspiration filled scripture study Saturday morning.  I often get inspiration as I'm reading but this one really stood out to me and it was something I've really been trying to get an answer for. I was reading about Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and their choice to eat the forbidden fruit, which brought physical and spiritual death to them, and all mankind.  I was reading that when we sin, we feel guilt and shame, and this is what helps us to repent.  I finally realized that I have been feeling guilty about what is going on in our home, because I have been breaking one of the commandments, "Love thy neighbor as thyself."  My family members are my neighbors as well as the rest of the people I come into contact with.  I often don't feel joy because of this sin-sin leads to unhappiness.  I can fix this.  I know how to repent!  I am so grateful that the Savior atoned for this sin of mine, as well as all others, and that I can repent and be made clean.  Since I had this realization, I now can look at my family differently.  Loving all of them, each of them, as my neighbor will help me keep the proper perspective that I need to help reduce the contention in the home.  I love that I can receive personal revelation, straight from Heavenly Father, through the Holy Ghost.  What a huge blessing in my life!

Food issues

Kids complain about food sometimes, it's life. But I'm always worried about it. I like to be healthy. I like to eat very little or no packaged food, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, and not a lot of sugar. I feel like I am from another planet since most people eat lots of packaged food. We eat whole wheat bread, whole wheat noodles and brown rice. I have no candy in my house. I feel like my kids get enough everywhere they go, school, church, relatives, friends. We eat treats here at home, yummy, homemade and mostly healthy. 

Lunches and snacks seem to be the biggest challenge. My kids go to school and when they eat lunch, they are the only ones with anything fresh, and the only ones who don't have a bag of candy in their lunch. They don't like being so different and feel so deprived and wonder why I'm such a freak. We've had many discussions about the why but they don't really care, they're kids and they don't care about heart disease. But my kids rarely get sick. I'd like to think it is because of the way we eat. But this recurring fight isn't fun. Why am I fighting? And when I do finally break down and buy something packaged, I still get complaints. Thoughts from readers?  This is mostly for me to get this out. I feel like giving up but I'm too passionate about healthy eating. Do I need to just give more homemade treats so they always feel like they have a treat?

Thoughts

I'm reading an interesting book, looking for suggestions to help my girls discover who they really are so they aren't defined by things that can slip away or that are just an image. As I'm reading, I'm learning about me, how I was as a child, a teenager, a young adult, a newlywed, a new mother, and now. It's been a little scary but a lot informative. 

I've learned:

I know who I am but I still let other things define me. 

-in high school, I thought of myself as an athlete. In my last year, I didn't play any sports and I knew I wouldn't in college. This was a year of big change for me. I had left old friends and was looking for new ones. I wasn't an athlete any longer so what was I?

-I went to BYU and became a college student. I had ideas of what I could do but my main goal for being there was to find a spouse. I had no desire to work. Having a family was the right thing to do. 

-got married and as I began the new life, I felt list again, struggling to balance my old life and friends with my new married life. 

-had children, completely lost my identity for several years. I knew I was a mom but I wasn't me and it was so hard to be me, who I thought I was or even who I might want to be.  My children still define my life. My life is based on their needs and schedules. I feel that I have a healthy balance now and I'm content with me, mostly. I think I have a glimpse of what a mother feels when all her kids are grown. I can imagine thinking, even when my kids are all in school, who am I and what do I do now?

Maybe by learning more about me I'll be able to better help my kids. And maybe I think entirely too much. Maybe I just need to learn to be more fun. 

More

Music and the spoken word, a musical program put on by the Mormon tabernacle choir every Sunday morning was a big hi light for me. I had never seen it live and it was an amazing spiritual experience for me. Music always helps me feel the spirit. I was sad that our two oldest kids chose not to come. 

We got lots of shopping in, spent a fun night and day with my brother and his family in lehi, spoiled by the parents, lots of down time, an evening with friends. 

We took the kids to a discovery place that was geared for children's learning and fun. 

Stan took Joel and brynn to see an IMAX movie, the Rocky Mountain Express. They all loved it. 

We all were having so much fun, we didn't want to go home so we stayed an extra day. I love Stan's job that gives him a lot of vacation. He works really hard at times but it's nice to have good breaks. 

Christmas break hi-lights

Got to have lunch with my little brother and his great wife!

Got to "live" in SLC for a few days and loved it. Stan's parents live diagonally across the street from temple square. What a treat. 

After a quiet, grateful, and meaningful Christmas Day, we prepared for the drive to Salt Lake City. We drove part way and stayed in a hotel. That is always a fun part for the kids. 

We arrived in Salt Lake City the next day and participated in a Torrie family gathering. It's fun to see everyone. I especially like when we get to do things together in smaller groups, that's my style. Girls had a shopping afternoon with grandma. She likes to buy them dresses.

 

They were 13 if us on that cart. This picture looks unassuming but I had quite the ride holding the wheelchair at the back and the young man driving actually went on the road and was driving faster than I was comfortable with. I wasn't worried about falling off but I was worried about losing or breaking the wheelchair.

Satan's plan vs heavenly fathers plan

I like to force my children to be obedient, especially when it comes to matters of church. We expect them to attend church, have family scriptures, family home evening, personal scriptures, etc. they are still young but we do this in hopes that they will gain the testimony they need to make righteous choices later on. I sometimes feel like I'm doing this incorrectly but haven't come up with a better idea. 

Stories

I'm reading, because I love stories. As I'm reading a particular book today, I realized why I like stories. This is the author quoting what someone said to her: "our stories are what make the difference, and if we can tell them honestly we can hope to help each other. In the end, we have nothing to offer each other but our stories."

I've always been open about my trials and stories of life, without thinking about the why. But I learn so much from other peoples stories. The scriptures, general conference, books of all kinds, friends, blogs, etc. 

this is one purpose of my blog, it's also why I keep a journal. 

Realization

I like the age between 9.5 and 10.5 years of age. It was great with brynn. She was very helpful, did a good job at her chores, loved babysitting.

Joel is at that age right now!  I'm excited for it. He's generally been really good anyway. Maybe I'm being tricked and they all will be entirely different. Or maybe my perception of them will help them to be that good way. If that's the case, I will need to always perceive the best. With heavens help I can do that. 

Christmas break

I want to catch up. We had an awesome Christmas break. I just can't seem to find any pictures. Stan took several videos but no pictures. We are lame. 

The Christmas season was busy with concerts and parties and carolling and spending time with people we love. 

Dec 23- we drove to spokane and for some reason the drive felt like forever. It was pretty snowy but we had a good book to listen to, that helped pass the time. 

I love Target in the U.S.  I was happy to get the last minute gifts I needed plus some 3-5$ clothes for spencer. 

And I found my running shoes on sale for nearly half the price as in Canada. Oh happy day. 

December 24- it was nice to just hang out. We had dinner with my parents at my oldest brother's house. Delicious food and good company, stories of France(my niece just got back from there). We acted out the nativity and opened our Christmas jammies. Happiness and anticipation filled the air. A nice feeling...

Kitchen helpers

This little guy loves to help make "gralola". He must have been really hungry because he was eating lots of it before we even got the sauce mixed in. 

An older helper- 

We've started to have Brynn make dinner  on Tuesdays because she is home and I'm running around while Joel is at cubs. I love it. It's so nice to have a little break. And she is very capable. 

Modern (in)conveniences

I'm grateful for technology in so many ways but over the last two months, I've often found myself frustrated with appliances that I can't fix and don't want to pay someone else to fix. The dishwasher was first. I've been washing dishes by hand for two months now. Not a huge deal but it takes time, something that I value. Next was the vacuum, it works enough to get us by but I feel like the carpet is always dirty. Lastly was the washing machine. The conclusion I've drawn from this last break down is that we have too many clothes. It is impossible to stay on top of the laundry situation with 6 people in the house without the washing machine. I can wear the same clothes multiple times in the winter but kids are dirty. Since the washer got fixed, I've probably done 15 loads or more. We had stuff from before we left for the Christmas break, stuff from while we were gone and the five days after our return. I think today is going to be the day I catch up on laundry. 

Updates soon but here's something to think about

From a conference talk I listened to while doing dishes this morning. "Why does He warn any of us to remove ourselves from a source of danger when He could simply stop the danger from happening?...

Rather than solve the problem Himself, the Lord wants us to develop the faith that will help us rely upon Him in solving our problems and trust Him. Then we can feel His love more constantly, more powerfully, more clearly, and more personally. We become united with Him, and we can become like Him.  (Drawing Closer to God)

Another thought about the same subject...

I just started reading a book by Virginia Pearce called 'A Heart Like His'. The subtitle is making space for God's love in your life. 

It is easy to feel pressured to do more. I've worked hard over the last several years to try to simplify a lot of things on my life but I have such a passion for learning and bettering myself that I sometimes get carried away with my plan and forget about God's plan for me. 

After reading the first chapter of the book, I'm already inspired. The main point to me was that I could open my heart to others without DOING anything extra. That in turn would help me to feel God's love more and help others to feel it too. 

Homemade

I really wanted to sew a homemade gift for Christmas and I found a cute idea as I browsed the internet. 

These projects proved harder for me than originally thought. I think my equipment is under par and it makes most sewing projects really difficult. 

After a grumpy and frustrating two days, going to church today and feeling the Spirit was such a boost. I got to play the organ, which meant I sat on the stand and didn't have to break up fights on the bench with the kids. I was able to listen and feel and enjoy. All three meetings were so great. Service, love, recognizing God in our daily life. Here's to a wonderful Christmas week. 

We have an 11 year old!

As I was up most of the night last night, I thought of the eve before Brynn's birth. I was up most of that night too, wondering if I really would have a baby soon; she was a week overdue. 

My pondering helped me gather some thoughts of that time as a new mom and as a mom now. 

I was terrified to be a mother. I rarely babysat because I didn't really enjoy kids, I think they've always scared me. I wondered how I would care for the new and demanding baby. She screamed the whole first night, and anytime we tried to put her to bed until she was well over two years old. It was traumatizing, for her and us. I read books about sleeping and scheduling and asked for advice, none of it worked with her. She was determined to do things her way, on her time schedule. The upside of this experience is that my subsequent babies have been so easy. 

She still is determined and independent, but she has a very kind heart. She makes friends so easily and has many of them. She is patient with her younger sister who really likes her. She's a great babysitter and is responsible. She's talented academically and musically. She does well on the piano and has a beautiful voice. She loves to read and make crafts. She's a positive and happy person and she likes to laugh. 

Being her mom now is so much easier. I don't miss the screaming days of her infant and toddlerhood. She is patient with me and trusting as I try to guide her along, sometimes too forcefully. I enjoy her as she learns and becomes who Heavenly Father wants her to be. Her time with us at home is more than half way done. Crazy. We sure love having her in our family. 

Mice

I'm terrified of sharing the same space with mice. I don't mind watching them out in the field. I can't stand it when they are in my house, garage, or vehicles. Several years ago we had them in our townhouse and I thought I would die. Macy was a baby and on the floor a lot and the older two were still little. It just grossed me out to see them scurry across my living room floor, find their poop all over the place. Stan took care of it. Now that we live on a farm, mice are everywhere, but I haven't yet seen them IN the house.  We need cats. 

Today was bad timing for me. Mice have been in our vehicles lots!! But today was the first time there was one in it while I was trying to be in it. I'm kind of a germ freak and this was too much. Stan could not take care of it. He was too far away. I probably traumatized spencer but he said, 'it's ok mom, smush him with your shoe." Sorry dude, can't do it. 

Heaven is for real

This is the title of a book we are listening to. We drive a lot and it keeps the kids and me happy and we get to "read" together too. This book is a real story of a little boy, at the age of 4, had an emergency appendectomy, and went to heaven while he was in surgery. His father wrote the book years later after his son kept sharing information about his visit to heaven.  It is engaging and testimony strengthening. The dad is a pastor/minister of another faith, can't remember which. What the boy shares about heaven is TRUE! 

I learned something today

This morning, while on the treadmill, I read an article from the December Ensign magazine.

http://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/12/helping-children-recognize-the-holy-ghost?lang=eng

It talked about learning styles of our children and how knowing how your children learn can help you to help them recognize the communication that they can receive from the Holy Ghost.

As I read this, I realized why I like to help and serve people and not just give money to specific good causes.  This was a follow up from my last post about needing to experience and feel things, to really feel like I've made a difference.  Also maybe that is why I want my children to like each other and I want us to have good family experiences together because that is how I feel like our family is happy.  Then when everyone is home together and not having an enjoyable experience, I feel like my plan of happiness has failed.  An interesting note, when Stan is here too, there is generally less fighting.  It seems to be more when it's all the kids and me.  Hmm.  Wish Stan was here more.  

Perspective

We, Stan and I, often TALK about doing nice things for people. We come up with some really excellent ideas but rarely do we follow through. It's frustrating for both of us. So in the last several days as I've read and pondered many Christ centred Christmas ideas, my perspective has changed just enough. Pause 

A friend shared something they participated in recently, helping a family really in need, getting help from the community to fill the needs. I long for those kind of opportunities. Pause

 I often don't like gift giving especially outside our little family. Most people have everything and I don't like giving something that will clutter up space or someone's life or that they will feel obligated to keep. Also  not a huge fan of giving out lots of sugar, we have too much.  I've found some great ideas online and even came up with one on my own. Giving gifts with perspective and meaning will me stay properly focused. Ideas;

With gifts in our little family we are writing a note about how the gift will help us friendship, share the gospel or serve. 

For visiting teachees, I gave them winter smelling hand soap with a note to use our hands to serve as a gift to the savior. 

An idea I loved that I found was doing acts of service, writing about it and emailing that to parents as a gift to them. 

Also there are things like the Christmas jars by Jason Wright. 

Back to the beginning of my post. Stan and I are formulating a plan and we ARE going to follow through. Two ideas, sing for the local elderly. We love music and want to share it to elderly people or those who need a boost, ALL year. Hoping for once a month. 

The other is getting involved with a humanitarian organization. 

Finally as followers of Christ, we often serve. We want to ritualize this so it has meaning to us. 

And... An element important to me is to be a part, I don't want recognition. We donate fast offerings every month but I don't SEE how it's used or where it goes, same with dropping money in a jar at Walmart. For me, I need to feel the sacrifice and Know where it's going. That might be spiritually immature but that's where I am right now. 

Thoughts of Christmas

Search this title on google books: 

A gift from the heart by norman vincent peale. 

I read this story this morning in a book about Christ centred Christmas traditions. I was really touched by it and some other thoughts have been swirling through my head that hopefully I can get down on this blog soon. 

A Little Princess

If you have girls, and if you don't, you should read A Little Princess, by Frances Hodgson Burnett. The main character is someone we should try to be like. I was continually impressed with her grace, her patience, her fortitude, her kindness. 

While we are talking about this author, we also LOVE The Secret Garden. I must really connect with this author. These two books from her really speak to me. I love stories with hardships and the the perseverance needed to endure and I love a happy ending. Both of these books have that. I'm not a good book reviewer and I'm not sure what else to say. Both books are excellent!

American thanksgiving

I used to try to celebrate American thanksgiving but due to the fact that in Canada every works and goes to school on that day, it has been difficult. Sometimes I've invited missionaries so I'd have an excuse to celebrate. But this year I had no plans. Until... My sis in law invited us because she loves to celebrate and she had invited the missionaries!  We were excited to enjoy in their delicious meal, celebrating thanksgiving in November. The food was excellent, as always, and the company even better. I sure love living close to family. 

New beginnings-posted two weeks late

I just received new callings at church. Compassionate service leader AND the Young Women Music specialist. I'm very excited for both. The weekend was a spiritual boost with an awesome trip to the cardston temple with our ward by bus, new callings, and then visiting teaching today. 

The Lord inspired the visiting teaching program of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints! I've had countless spiritual experiences and friendships made from this great program. Everyone needs to love and be loved, family, friends, ward members, neighbours, etc. 

I spoke in Church yesterday, this is my talk

Wilt Thou Be Made Whole- Talk 2013

Introduce our family....

·         Names and ages of children

·         Met at BYU and moved to Canada after graduating

·         Lived in the Edmonton area for the past 10 years

The talk I'm speaking about today was given by Elder Timothy Dyches(Dikes) of the 70 in October General Conference.

He begins with a story from the Bible about a man who has been stricken with his infirmity for 38 years.  He hides in the shadows near the pool at Bethesda, helpless to get himself into it, so he can be healed. The Savior finds the man and asks "Wilt Thou be made whole?" The man explains that he has no one to help him into the troubled water, so that he might be healed.  Jesus replies in John 5: 8-9 "Rise, Take up thy bed, and walk. And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked."

Elder Dyches shares another story from the Bible, about the 10 lepers.  He says, "Because of their infirmity, they 'stood afar off' .  They were outcasts--unclean and unwanted.  'Jesus, Master, have mercy on us,' they cried--in other words, importuning, 'Isn't there something You can do for us?' The Great Physician, full of compassion, still knew that faith must precede the miracle and therefore told them, 'Go, shew thyselves unto the priests...'  Can you imagine the overwhelming joy with each step as they witnessed in real time their bodies being cleansed, healed, and restored right before their eyes?"

Have you ever experienced this?

I have, but in a spiritual and emotional way.  A little over 4 years ago, the Holy Ghost let me know it was time to have another baby.  We had 3 children at the time, ages 6, 5, and 2.  We were planning to move into a larger home.  Stan was busy with church callings and full time work and was about to return to school to receive an MBA.  I was feeling content with life and very busy, and not ready to add another child to the mix.  But we followed the prompting and began a new spiritual journey for our family.  I was sicker than I had ever been in a pregnancy, but had the assurance that the Lord knew what He was doing and I just had to trust. We did move.  Our townhouse sold in just over a week, while we were away on vacation.  It was a huge blessing.  For anyone who has ever sold a property with small children, it can be a real challenge to keep it clean for showings.  We moved into a newer house, much bigger than the one we moved from.  We were in a new ward, and a new stake.  I was excited about the change, even though we thought we wouldn't have many friends.

The transition was going smoothly, I was feeling better physically and felt more connected to the little spirit that was developing inside me.  At church we discovered that we knew a handful of people and instantly felt at home.  I was able to make friends that I was comfortable with, within weeks. 

Then came the shocking news.  At my 20 week routine ultrasound, we learned that the baby didn't have a heart beat and the doctors assumed it had died weeks earlier, based on its size and maturation.  I was confused and sad, when everything seemed to be going well.  Within a day, I delivered a perfectly formed little boy complete with distinct facial features very similar to his living siblings .

I will share a brief journal entry that captures the feelings I had....

I've wondered over the past couple of days why I'm not suffering and mourning more than I am. I have almost felt guilty that I'm being insensitive or something. Then it hit me today, and Stan and I have also talked about this... Numerous people have been praying and fasting on our behalf. We went to the Temple on Friday and I realized while I was there that our names were on the prayer roll. The reality of that wonderful process set in as I felt the peace and love and faith of those faithful people attending the Temple. They were praying for US! Then today during testimony meeting, I realized more powerfully than ever, that the Savior's Atonement was exactly for that reason! He suffered so we don't have to and so he can feel what we feel. That burden has definitely been lifted from my shoulders. In fact I only carried it for a very short time....  I've received so much strength, peace, and comfort. It is all too amazing to me how the Lord works.

This event caused us to increase the sincerity of our prayers, and to study the scriptures and conference talks more intently.  As we exercised our faith, our souls 'were healed right before our eyes,  just as Elder Dykes shared.

The Lord continued to bless us in so many ways following this trial, some of which include:

·         my spiritual senses felt tuned, I was and still am able to recognize better when the Spirit is speaking to me.

·         our marriage was strengthened and keeps getting better and better.

·         we began cherishing every moment together with our children. This one event drastically changed my outlook on life as a mother.  Never before had I been able to see and appreciate the special spirits that were sent to my home..

·         new gratitude for our amazing network of family and friends near to us and far away

·         my love and appreciation for the Book of Mormon increased

·         I had a greater desire to be close to the Spirit to receive comfort and direction for my daily life

·         I could more easily recognize my blessings

·         I felt God's love for me more and have a greater appreciation for His timing of trials and experiences in my life

I know that I was miraculously healed, spiritually and emotionally, through the savior's love and the power of the Atonement!

Elder Dyches continues: "Do you remember when your faith and joy were full to the brim? Remember the moment you found your testimony or when God confirmed to you that you were His son or daughter and that He loved you very much--and you felt whole?  If that time seems lost, it can be found again."

How can we experience that joy?  How can we be made whole?

The scriptures are full of invitations and examples.  A few of them are:

From Matthew 11 "Come unto me-take my yoke upon you,"  Matthew 11:28-30

From Luke 18 "Come follow me"-Luke 18:22

From  Doctrine and Covenants section 88"Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you" -D&C 88:63

One example from the Book of Mormon is found In Alma chapter 5.  Alma the Younger is speaking to the people about the captivity and bondage of their fathers and then their deliverance. 

In verses 7-9 it says: "Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God.  Behold, they were in the midst of darkness; nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word; yea, they were encircled about by the bands of death, and the chains of hell, and an everlasting destruction did await them.  8. And now I ask of you, my brethren, were they destroyed? behold, I say unto you, nay, they were not.  9. And again I ask, were the bands of death broken, and the chains of hell which encircled them about, were they loosed?  I say unto you, Yea, they were loosed, and their souls did expand, and they did  sing redeeming love.  And I say unto you that they are saved."

In verse 12, it reminds us again that it is "according to (our) faith, that" a mighty change can happen in our hearts.

Elder Dyches states :As we draw near unto Him, we realize that mortality is meant to be difficult and that opposition in all things is not a flaw in the plan of salvation. Opposition, rather, is the indispensable element of mortality and strengthens our will and refines our choices.  The vicissitudes of life help us fashion an eternal relationship with God--and engrave His image upon our countenance as we yield our hearts to Him."

I experience this opposition in my life frequently.  In our family life, there can be a lot of conflict as we strive to raise our children to be faithful, obedient, and kind.  I often become frustrated that my children aren't listening, learning, or doing what they are asked to do.  With reminders from those in my life who love me and from the Holy Ghost who teaches me, I can become strengthened and grow closer to my Heavenly Father.  I can forgive my children and family for being mortal, for making mistakes.  I can forgive myself for losing patience and expecting  unrealistic behaviors from my family.  All this is made possible when I choose to accept the Savior's Atonement, when I have faith to be healed.  I know that healing can come daily, as we repent and ask for the help we need to accomplish tasks that are too hard for us to do alone. 

Elder Dyches shared a powerful example of forgiveness in his talk. 

Corrie Ten Boom was in a concentration camp during World War II and was the only survivor in her family.   After the war, she spent the majority of her life, sharing healing and forgiveness.  During one such time, a man approached her whom she recognized as a guard from the concentration camp in which she was imprisoned(word).  He was grateful and happy to hear that he too could be forgiven of his sins.  He approached her and asked for her forgiveness.  She remembered the suffering this guard had caused her and prayed for strength to forgive this man.  And now I quote from his talk, her words:

“His hand was thrust out to shake mine,” Corrie recalled. “And I, who had preached so often … the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.

“Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. … Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.

“I tried to smile, [and] I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.

“As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.

"And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His.  When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself."

Some of you may wonder, "how is this possible?" or I've done too many things wrong, or I make the same mistake over and over again.  I remind you of the question that the Savior asked the impotent man at the pool of Bethesda, "Wilt thou be made whole?"  There is no doubt in this question, of the Savior's ability or willingness to heal.  I testify that He can and does heal every man, women, and child who turns to Him, seeking to be made whole.  The choice to be whole is in our hands.  This is a question that each of us must ask ourselves.  Will you and I allow the Savior and His Atonement to heal us from our emotional, spiritual, and physical infirmities?

Testimony

I know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live and that they love me.  I know that keeping the covenants I've made bless me and my family.  I know the Book of Mormon is the word of God and that Joseph Smith translated it and that it brings me closer to the Savior when I read it.  In the name

Inspired by real people

I love to read, but I especially love to read about real events and real people. 

I recently read a book about a doctor who died during World War II and came back to life. It was a short book but well written. It was so neat to read how his experience changed him. His outlook on life changed and he spent the rest of his life trying to help others and bring them hope. 

The book I'm currently reading is also short. It's about the first woman doctor, Elizabeth Blackwell. She was courageous and determined. She showed others that you can accomplish things that seem impossible. I am inspired by her determination to do all it took to realize her dreams, and to accomplish great things.

Why is this normal? Maybe it isn't

I loathe fighting and arguing. It is the major thing as a parent I really struggle with. Kids had a break from school which meant they and I were home 3 days in a row. Disaster. Why can't it be fun? What is wrong with me that they have spent the last 3 days fighting?

I had parent teacher interviews on Friday morning and I was feeling so proud of them. Great behaviour, good academics, good friend shipping, fitting in to the new school, etc. then there are the same kids who act completely different at home...

 I guess that is the beginning of my payback for being an awful teenager. 

One more thing. I often ask my children in a loving way to do their chores or whatever. They only begin to listen after I raise my voice!  Have I trained them to be that way. As toddlers I expected them to listen the first time and they were pretty good. I'm not sure where it's gone wrong. I guess I need a good cry and be grateful that there are 5 school days this week!

Canada!

As long as I've lived in Canada, I've wanted to know how the country came to be. American history is full of passion, excitement, and hope for a better life. After asking many Canadians in the last 10 years and not receiving a satisfying answer, I think I've found a website that I can explore and read. I am excited. 

http://www.canadiana.ca

Final day in Victoria

This 2nd bed and breakfast is also awesome. Very clean, nicely taken care of but still heritage looking. Breakfast was great, hosts are very friendly and welcoming. 

It feels like a last day. We are both tired, of different things and for different reasons but alas, I trudged on and brought brynn along. First stop, royal bc museum. Fun place, love to come back with Stan so we can learn a little more. Great IMAX movie, Hidden universe. It really made me understand Heavenly Father's love for us more and made me wonder how astronomers can learn so much about space and not believe in God. It seems impossible. 

This picture(above) was in the museum. 

Empress hotel. I want to go inside sometime. I also want to tour the government building which is nearby. I bet these look spectacular in the spring and summer. 

Craigdarroch Castle. So cool. We really enjoyed our self guided tour here. 

Brynn's favorite bedroom in the castle. 

View from the tower(taken through the glass)

We rode the city bus today. So fun. We were really hoping to ride a double decker and we got to!! It's a much better view riding on the top. 

We ate at a wonderful place called Paggliaci's. Bottomless soup and bread, plus a salad. I love Italian food. Tonight we are hanging out at the bnb, packing, watching a movie. 

Courtenay

Here we are at Goose Spit near Courtenay. Beautiful mountains in the background. 

I received acupuncture for the first time by the talented Nicole, pictured above. She is amazing giving massages too. My body is in good hurting mode now, soon to feel better. I can walk taller and my hips feel so flexible. I want new running shoes to exercise my new free legs!

Today I'm again reminded of the importance of good friends. Nicole and I haven't seen each other for years and we didn't know each other too well but have always felt a connection. I feel so blessed to have a handful of amazing friends that I truly connect with, friends who build me up and help me to be a better person, and that I make a contribution to their well being as well. My bucket has been filled this weekend; great conversation, awesome discoveries of so many similarities, laughter, joy, happiness, a person who enjoys somewhat strange, healthy food too. 

I purchased real herbal tea today, yummy stuff, and dark chocolate, for the times I need a little. This will be hidden and I hope my kids don't find it. I'm going to drink tea this winter to keep me warm. 

Brynn really enjoyed the time spent with our friends this weekend. She got to swim today and play in a sawdust pile. Unfortunately no pictures of the jumping into the sawdust pile. 

And now we have returned to Victoria for our final day tomorrow. Bed and breakfasts are so fun. 

Love the old homes here!

Oh and I'll be happy to pay the cell phone bill. Brynn and Joel were texting each other today for quite a well. Joel even said he really missed Brynn. I always knew they were friends. 

Bits of inspiration

As I prepared for a wonderful massage today, these thoughts entered my brain: 

🏡Having children is NOT just about providing bodies for Heavenly Father's spirit children.

🏡There is a huge element in the nurturing of the children.

For me, having few children seems easier in being able to nurture them, even though any nurturing takes lots of time and effort. But, I believe that Heavenly Father can and will increase your ability to handle all that is required of you, if you are doing what's right, and you really desire his help.

I also believe that Heavenly Father knows and cares about our individual needs, strengths, abilities, and especially the challenges that we need to help us grow. 

I want more than anything to be a good mom, to be a positive influence in my kids' lives, to be a leader to them. That's all.